Showing posts with label FUNNY STUFFS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FUNNY STUFFS. Show all posts
28 Aug 2010
13 Jul 2010
13.7.10
Evarist Chahali
FUNNY STUFFS
1 comment
A politician had an accident and dies.
His soul reaches the Paradise and found St. Peter at the entrance.
-- "Welcome to Paradise! Before you could get in, there is a little problem... We rarely seen politicians here, you know… So we do not know what to do with you..."
-- "I see, no problem just let me enter." says the politician.
-- "I though I would like to let you in but I have higher orders as it´s known… We will do the following: You pass one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. You can then choose where to spend eternity."
-- "It is not necessary, I have already decided. I want to stay in Heaven." says the politician.
-- "Sorry, but we have our rules."
So, St. Peter takes him to the elevator and he comes down, down to Hell. The door opens up and he sees himself in the middle of a beautiful golf course.
In essence, the club where were all his friends and other politicians with whom he had worked. All very happy.
He was greeted, embraced and then they started to talk about the good times when they got rich at the expense of the people.
They played golf, relaxed and then ate lobster and caviar.
Who was also present was the devil, a very friendly guy who spent all the time dancing and telling jokes. They enjoyed themselves so much that before they realize it was time to go.
After a lot of redundant hugs and words of farewell he enter into the elevator.
He rises, rises and the door opens up again. St. Peter was expecting him.
-- Now it´s the time to visit the Paradise.
He spends 24 hours in paradise among a group of happy souls who go from cloud to cloud playing harps and singing. All went very well and before he noticed the day comes to an end and St. Peter returns.
-- "Now what? You spent one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Now choose your eternal home."
He thought for a minute and answered:
-- "Look, I never thought to make this decision… The Paradise is very good but I think I'll be much better in Hell."
Then St. Peter takes him back to the elevator and he comes down, down to hell.
The door opens up and he saw himself in the midst of a massive ground full of garbage and a horrible smell. He saw all his friends with the clothes torn and very dirty searching the rubble and putting it in black bags. He also saw some of his friends in dispute to take pieces of rotten food.
The devil put the arm by the politician´s shoulder.
-- "I do not understand?" Mumble the politician. -- "Yesterday I was here and it even had a beautiful golf course, a club, lobster, caviar and we danced and had fun all the time. Now I see that it´s only full of very smelly garbage and my friends are totally tear down!"
The devil looks at him… Ironically smiles and says:
-- "Yesterday we were in campaign season before election. Now we have your vote... I´m sorry, this is the reality!"
SOURCE Hubpages
3 Nov 2009
- 3.11.09
- Evarist Chahali
- FUNNY STUFFS
- No comments
Caught on CCTV: The moment BBC presenter floors taunting yob with his karate expertise
By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 3:25 PM on 03rd November 2009
This drunken yob got more than he bargained for when he picked a fight with a BBC presenter who used to be an international martial arts champion.
Reporter Paresh Patel had been followed for half an hour through Manchester city centre by two youths, who subjected him to a barrage of abuse as he attempted to set up a live broadcast.
The North West Tonight journalist had been preparing a report in Sackville Gardens, central Manchester, when a group of drunken louts began harassing him and his cameraman Steve Capstick.
Watch the video below
Lightning fast: BBC reporter Paresh Patel (circled right) punches a yob in the face after first being pursued and set upon
Held: Police arrive and arrest the thug who assaulted Patel
But what they didn't realise was that Mr Patel has a black belt in Karate, and when he was finally pushed too far the suited reporter lashed out in kung-fu style.
He floored one of the unsuspecting thugs with a kick to the groin followed by a lightning-quick punch in the face.
The dazed victim can then be seen in CCTV footage scrambling to his feet just as police arrive to arrest the man as Mr Patel, dubbed the 'BBC Bruiser', calmly walks away.
A spokesperson for the Crown Prosecution Service said: 'The accused persistently followed the victim and told him not to call the police and a woman poured a pint over him at one point.
'The other two defendants continued to follow Mr Patel to Princes Street, where the victim was punched in the face and threatened with violence.
'One of them picked up a bit of street furniture and also threatened the victim - he tried to walk away but still he was followed by the suspects.
'Both had been drinking and appeared very drunk. But what they hadn't realised was that the victim was a black belt in karate.'
Pursued: Patel (right) is followed by two yobs as he walks through Manchester city centre
Mouthy: One of the yobs confronts Patel as he tries to mind his own business
Mr Patel can be seen in the footage punching one of them in the face before kneeing him in the groin after being attacked as he planned a live broadcast from the statue of Alan Turing in Sackville Gardens, following Gordon Brown's decision to grant the computer pioneer a posthumous apology.
Sean Brady, prosecuting, told Manchester Magistrates' Court that when Mr Patel phoned his studio, two of the group John Nugent, 22, and David McKenna, 27, thought he was ringing the police and started swearing threatening him.
At the sentencing of the pair, Judge David Hernandez said: 'He defended himself, he delivered a blow. I say good for Mr Patel.
'He had no reason to be subjected to that level of abuse and threat by you.'
The CPS spokesperson added: 'The defendants claimed that Mr Patel has threatened them and told had them not to "mess with him" because he was a "Thai boxer" and that he would "sort them out".
'They insisted they were just having a laugh. And that they only picked up the chair so that he could have a sit down.
'Even when they were shown the CCTV footage they came up with the same explanation.'
On set: BBC Reporter Paresh Patel stands outside 10 Downing Street before a broadcast
Nugent and McKenna, both from Manchester, admitted charges of affray and assaulting Mr Patel on September 11.
McKenna was giving a community order for 18 months with supervision and 14 hours unpaid work at Manchester Crown Court on October 22.
Nugent was also given an 18-month community order with supervision.
Jodie Anderson, 26, the female who threw the drink over Mr Patel, had previously pleaded guilty to assaulting Mr Patel and was given a suspended six-week prison sentence and ordered to pay him £50 compensation.
In a victim impact statement read to the court, Mr Patel said: 'I am shocked and upset by what has happened. I was trying to go about my business in a peaceful way.'
A spokesperson for the BBC said they were not commenting on the matter as it was a case for the courts.
13 Oct 2009
8 Oct 2009
- 8.10.09
- Evarist Chahali
- FUNNY STUFFS
- No comments
Mambo mengine huku Ughaibuni ni vituko vitupu.Kuna watu wanafuga majoka makubwa na kuyalea kama watoto wao,kuna wanaofuga panya mithili ya paka,na wengine wamegeuza tumbili kuwa watoto wa kambo.Na matunzo wanayopewa mbwa na paka hayatofautiani sana na anasa wanazofaidi watoto wa wabaka-uchumi wetu (mafisadi).
Sasa imeibuka fasheni mpya ya “kitimoto pimbi”,yaani nguruwe wadogo kupindukia.
10 Jul 2009
- 10.7.09
- Evarist Chahali
- FUNNY STUFFS
- No comments
Rais Barack Obama anaonekana kama "analipiga jicho" bunda (makalio) la binti wa Kibrazili,Mayara Tavarez,huku Rais Nicholas Sarkozy akishika tama!Yes,He can! 
23 Jun 2009
Dunia haina dogo.Kuna wambeya wanaodai eti huyo "nzi" alikuwa ni skadi lililotumwa na Dick Cheney kwa Obama.Kuna wengine wanadai huyo wala hakuwa "nzi" bali roboti lilotengenezwa na majasusi wa Kimarekani kupeleka ujumbe kwa Kim Jong Ill na mikwara yake ya nyuklia.Wapo wanaomhusisha "nzi" huyo na uchaguzi wa Irani..... Alimradi burudani!
ELEKEZO: Neno "nzi" limetumika kama tafsiri isiyo rasmi ya "fly" (BAKITA mko wapi?)
22 May 2009
15 May 2009
Pombe bwana!Huyu si "shoga",ni mwanaume ila tu kinywaji kimemkolea kaamua atinge gauni.Na sijui hiyo pozi kajifunzia wapi!
Huyu "Beyonce Mweupe" anaonyesha ufundi wa kunengua.
Hao si watoto wa shule,na huo "upole" ni sehemu ya kinywaji pia!
"Kwanini Mungu aliwapendelea ng'ombe kuwa na miguu minne na sie wanadamu miguu miwili?"Yaelekea ndio "malalamiko ya muungwana huyo anayetambaa.Au anakumbukia alivyokuwa akitambaa wakati wa utoto?Katika pombe,lolote linawezekana!
Kilio tena!?
Pombe huwafanya wanyonge wajione majabali,only kinywaji kinapoyeyuka kichwani hujikuta wakiwa wanyonge vilevile PLUS majeraha.
"Yes!Nimeweza.Si mlisema siwezi kulibalansi hilo boksi la take-away eti nimelewa?Mbona nimeweza.Watu tumeanza pombe zamani,in fact kabla ya kunyonya maziwa ya mama...teh teh teh"
"Basi nikwambie shoga,mwaka 1978 nili....halafu kabla ya hapo mwaka 1749 nilikuwa....na mwaka huu 2004 nita....".Stori za kilevi hazihitaji kuwa makini na tarehe au muda.Na zinaweza kuendelea milele.Kimsingi huwa haziishi,na mada hubadilika kama bendera na upepo.
" Nahisi kama niko 'leba' mtoto najifungua.Hee nimezaa mtoto wa kiume".Si ajabu huyu akiamka asubuhi anamaizi kuwa kweli "alizaa" lakini mtoto ni "pooh" (ile kitu inayotupeleka msalani).
Duh.Hapa ni ujenzi wa mahekalu hewani
Huyu ashukuru ufanisi wa polisi wa doria wanaosaidiwa na CCTV.Ukaaji huo mitaa ya uswahilini ingeweza kumfanya huyo jamaa kwa siku kadhaa asitoke nyumbani kutokana na aibu.Ni mkao hatari sana!
Hoi!
Ah,nani kasema kitanda lazima kiwe chumbani.Hapa napata 'nepu' ya bure buleshi.
" Hee hawa vipi tena?",dada wa kushoto haamini anachokiona."Ahaaa,ndio mana wanaume wa kiskotishi wanapenda hizo kilt zao wanapokwenda out..." Anazidi kutafakari mdada wa watu.
"Kuanzia leo mto wangu utakuwa tairi..."Chapombe afanya uvumbuzi usiku wa manane.
Huy kibonge sijui anatoa nasaha gani kwa wenzake.Pombe huleta "busara" za ajabu kabisa.
Oh dear dear....Picha hizi zimepigwa na mwanafunzi wa KiPolish jijini Cardiff,Wales.Habari zaidi kuhusu picha hizo na utamaduni wa chapombe (binge culture) BONYEZA HAPA.
3 May 2009
NIMEKUTANA NA BANDIKO HILI MAHALA FLANI.
TABIA SUGU ZA WANACHUO1.Hupenda kwenda baa na kumbi za starehe kuliko Lecture na Semina.2.Hushinda room kuliko Library.3.Hufahamu mitindo ya mavazi kuliko Module.4.Huogopa CARRY,SUP na DISCO kuliko dhambi.5.Hufahamu waziri wa mikopo kuliko wahadhiri.6.Huudhulia birthdays,harusi na starehe weekend kuliko Ibada.7.Hutoa zawadi kubwa kwa boyfriend au girlfriend kuliko kwa yatima na wajane.8.Hulinda ATM Cards na PENZI kuliko DESA na VITABU.9.Wapo makini na ratiba ya BOOM kuliko UE.10.Wanapenda haki ila wanakosa mbinu sahihi ya kuzipigania.
UNA LA KUONGEZA HAPO?TEH TEH TEH.
Picha kwa hisani ya Dullonet
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